The Three Primary Human Interactions (Energy Exchanges)
- Assistance
- Resistance
- Allowance
- How The Three Primary Human Interactions Relate To Each Other
Operational Definitions:
These are the three categories of all human interaction, either within yourself or across to others, either internal or external to your biological and energetic organism, your human being. These categories could also be viewed as the three responses to energy flow:
Assistance: The act of a stimulus’s energy activating a previously-created S & R, in which pleasure was successfully experienced, or pain was successfully avoided; or any secondary S & R to either of these two conditions.
The Nature of Assistance
Assistance occurs when a perceived stimulus is interpreted by the Belief System as being supportive of, or validating, a previously-stored belief (S & R). Sometimes called “reinforcement”, but not limited to this term, any time a belief concerning the successful pursuit of pleasure or the successful avoidance of pain is activated, the whole Belief System is “assisted” in its attempt to maintain the status quo condition of that Belief System.
Assistance is the experience of a stimulus activating a previously—created belief, in which pleasure was successfully experienced, or pain was successfully avoided; or any secondary belief to either of these two conditions. Assistance is the use of one’s personal or other’s energies to help one’s self or another to pursue pleasure, avoid pain, or experience perception. It is the act of replicating the vibrational pattern of a previously created pleasure belief, either by external stimulation or internal attention. Assistance activities help preserve the Belief System by creating repeat pleasure experiences.
One of the three basic human activities, assistance occurs when an external or internal stimulus validates a previously perceived pattern of information (bits of connected sensory information form an association, also called a Creation, or Belief). This validation process (reinforcement) leads further to patterns of its own, more complex associations, eventually to the survival “instinct” of the Belief System, judgment, right/wrong, “stuck-ness” of the status quo. The Belief System seeks to replicate and validate those experiences which offer it pleasure, or at least a sustained level of non-destructive sensory input.
Assistance is a supporting reaction to someone’s action, which increases the likelihood of them repeating that action. It can also be a mental affirmation of one’s activities. Self-support, lying to others, maintenance of any limited Creation, is still assistance to the individual. Assistance usually moves a human toward learning, growth, survival, completion.
One of the most common examples of assistance is an effective school teacher. It is the teacher’s job to disseminate information in the classroom, and to assist the students with the learning of that information. They don’t force the information onto the student (resistance), nor do they merely throw the information into the air, and expect the students to all be able to understand it (allowance.) They deliberately intend to shape the student’s Belief System by the instruction and demonstration of their subject. They assist the student’s natural learning process, but they must assist it at the speed regulated by the school system. If learning were left solely up to the students, it might take a lot longer, but it would be more complete, because of the increased personal experiential aspect of the learning process. But Time is of the essence in the classroom, and assistance learning techniques prevail in that environment.
The student may not want to learn, in which case the teacher may choose to use alternative learning techniques, especially resistance-style methods. The teacher’s primary duty, however, is to mold and shape student minds, and the Belief Systems that dwell within each one of them.
Resistance: The act of a stimulus’s energy activating a previously-created S & R, in which pleasure was not successfully experienced, or pain was not successfully avoided; or any secondary S & R to either of these two conditions.
The Nature of Resistance
Resistance refers to the opposite condition: whenever a stimulating experience is presented in which the organism is unsuccessful in an attempt to avoid pain, or the pursuit of pleasure is hindered or removed, the effect on the Belief System is invalidated, thus setting up further “resistance” to that stimulus. The status quo is NOT successfully maintained, changes may take place within its structure, and the Belief System will always do whatever it can to avoid change.
Resistance is the experience of a stimulus activating a previously-created belief, in which pleasure was not successfully experienced, or pain was not successfully avoided; or any secondary belief to either of these two conditions. Resistance is where pain is received or pleasure is withheld. It is using one’s energy to hinder another, or even one’s self, from pursuing pleasure, avoiding pain, or experiencing perceptual awareness.
Resistance is the act of replicating the vibrational pattern of a previously established pain belief, either by external stimulation or internal attention. Resistance is trying to alter the Belief System by creating repeat pain experiences.
It occurs when an external or internal stimulus does not validate a previously existing internal pattern of information. Most often, resistance stimuli are associated with painful or physically destructive past experiences.
Resistance comes in at least four basic forms:
1.) It is the emitting of an aversive behavior in response to a stimulus action, and is meant to decrease the likelihood of a repeat of that initial action. In this situation, there are at least two diametrically opposed energies competing for dominance. Fights, wars, nasty verbal comments are all examples of this type of resistance.
2.) It is the removal of a supportive reaction in response to a stimulus action, and is meant to decrease the likelihood of a repeat of that initial action. When something is taken away from someone, for example, a resistance situation is created. Deliberately ignoring, withholding love or attention from an angry child creates a resistance condition,
3.) Resistance is also the emitting of an aversive reaction to someone’s stimulus action that will increase the likelihood of them repeating an opposite action. Grounding a teenager, or taking away phone privileges is designed, supposedly, to increase positive behaviors from that teenager.
4.) Resistance can be a mental readjustment of one’s activities, self-imposed limits. It is possible to internally establish conflicting beliefs, and these opposite beliefs work against each other. Frustration ensues, as does guilt, repression, memory black-outs, or abnormal identity affiliation (such as Multiple Personality Disorders.)
Basically, resistance occurs when any two energy forces oppose each other in any way. Whether it is an internal conflict within the mind, or an external conflict with environmental or social forces, resistance-oriented beliefs are the result of this conflict. Resistance to anything, including even other resistances, leads to a continuation of that negative, or painful, situation. Resistance to a situation leads to the persistence of that resistance situation.
Resistance is probably the most common type of human interaction, because every single Belief System on the planet is in conflict with every other Belief System for domination. The whole judgment attitude, the victim game, the categorization of things into “right” and “wrong”, the laying of blame on others, the fighting of wars both large and small — all are prime examples of the rampant amount of resistance existing in today’s world. It is primarily because of this rampant negativity that each young human has such a hard time maintaining any sense of personal Awareness. At birth, we are immediately placed into a world of conflict. The creation of resistance beliefs dominates the attention of the organism. And if it’s not too busy creating resistance beliefs, then it is trying to overcompensate by creating assistance beliefs, that will hopefully provide the human with a “winning” attitude and set of moral values.
Herein lies a basic paradox concerning resistance. There can exist no “winner” without also the creation of a “loser.” And who is going to willingly take on that second role? No one in their “right” mind would. So the creation of opposites continues. For every resistance, there is an equal and opposite assistance, or at least another fancy resistance. The creation of these two types of beliefs abounds, and takes over the full energies of the organism.
Allowance: The act of perception of any stimulus’s energy which activates neither a pain-related nor a pleasure-related previously-created primary or secondary S & R. The experience of pure perception (attentive observing) of stimuli, without any associated response.
The Nature of Allowance
Allowance occurs when a perceived stimulus has no effect upon the condition of the Belief System. It is merely perceived, and the perceiving organism is “allowed” to process it in any way it chooses. Another word that can sometimes be used to describe most aspects of allowance (but not quite exactly the same thing) is Acceptance.
Allowance occurs when the perception of any stimulus activates neither a pain-related nor a pleasure-related primary or secondary belief. It is the experience of pure awareness of stimuli, without any associated automatic response. Allowance is non-interference with another s pursuit of pleasure, avoidance of pain, or experiencing perceptual awareness. One’s energy is used only to personally experience perceptual awareness.
Allowance is the observation of the effects of a stimulus upon the Sensory System and the Belief System, without intention to replicate or avoid. It is the state of greatest sensory awareness. It does not stimulate any past associated creations. The movement of the stimulating organism (or piece of sensory input information) is neither supportive of, nor against, the receiving organism.
The Belief System cannot choose this response. It must originate from the Awareness System. Experiencing allowance tends to “lift” the organism out of a currently occurring creation, because allowance is the state where no reaction at all is made to someone’s action, neither supportive nor aversive. Then no force is used to influence the Belief System, this causes the responding person to try a new perspective for a moment, in order to increase awareness of their situation. There is no rejection OR acceptance of an action. This state forces someone to look directly into a “mirror” and assess what they see there. Without a typically immediate assistance or resistance response to the original action, they will begin to examine their response repertoire more closely. Total allowance leads the actor to a breakdown of all previous roles, which further leads to a recognition of the role game, and eventually to a sense of greater awareness of all creations. The end result is a greater sense of personal responsibility and greater personal self-control. A new point of view takes place. The Belief System has been cracked finally.
Some sources of allowance are found in Nature, a reflective therapist, any objective thing. Nature does not force itself upon us at any time. We choose the quality of interaction that we desire with it. Even a hurricane has no intention to affect a human. It was the human’s choice, after all, to co-exist in a place where they should have known there was a likelihood of hurricane activity.
Allowance exists more in a human environment of reduced stimulation, such as a sensory deprivation tank. Awareness is then forced to re-instate itself into the automatic Belief System process. Whenever the familiar patterns of thought are disrupted, you are likely to find an example of allowance interaction.
Allowance happens in several ways: through the presence of non-associated, unfamiliar stimuli in the environment, and through the dissociation of an S & R unit (later referred to as the Completion Process.) You will see that one of the most important steps in the Completion Process will be the total allowance of whatever occurs to occur. If the person feels a pain, then they intentionally choose to experience that pain fully, without the usual resistance. In this way, the connecting energy between stimulus and response in a Belief Unit is broken down, and eliminated.
* * * * *
How The Three Primary Human Interactions Relate To Each Other
There are three more terms that are pertinent to exploring human conflict within the ever-expanding Belief System. They, too, deal with the impact of any stimulus upon an organism. They will be better understood within the context of the upcoming conflict itself.These three characters, the Three Primary Human Interaction are: Assistance, Resistance, and Allowance.
Since every activity that occurs between two or more people has an effect upon each member of that interactive situation, each person will be influenced in a positive (pleasurable) or negative (painful) way. The human’s ability to “learn” things is directly related to the types of interactions they experience.
The learning process usually occurs between two or more people, but learning, the pairing of S & R’s, can also occur within a single individual. Any thought that comes up for someone also triggers an associated response, internally. If, for example, I were to reflect upon my need to complete a chore, I might not be able to rely on outside support to complete that chore. I may just have to depend on my own internal sense of motivation to drive me. My very own thoughts can “assist” me in the completion of that chore. I am also capable of setting up internal conflicts, or “resistance” within myself. If, for example, I believe that it is morally wrong to leave my spouse, but for other reasons I really want to leave them, I have, in effect, created two opposing beliefs. I set up my own internal resistance, and probably won’t be able to effectively act on either until some of that resistance is eliminated. So, stimuli can come from inside the organism, or outside influences.
Interactions can be thought of in terms of “energy flow.” Every time we encounter another force in our lives, we interact with that force with a flow of our own energy. We either focus our energies directly opposite to that other force (resistance), we focus our energies in the same direction as that other force (assistance), or we focus our energies in some non-intrusive direction, independent of that other force (allowance.)
The two interacting energy forces can be actual physical energy, or some type of belief energy, such as emotional, cognitive, metaphysical, or electro-chemical. Only three directions exist for any energy to flow, and thus there are only three categories of impact that this energy flow can have: assisting energy, resisting energy, or allowing energy.
Whenever we deal with assistance or resistance, we are strengthening the status quo of the Belief System, because assistance means that pleasure is successfully being pursued, and resistance means that pain is unsuccessfully being avoided. The two Primary Motivators that are involved in belief creation are being activated. As you read through the detailed definitions of the Three Primary Human Interactions, notice how assistance and resistance both deal with the maintenance of the Belief System, and how allowance activities tend to work around, or outside, of that Belief System. Allowance is the least-used interaction technique today, and the increase of its use will increase the human’s ability to learn, to be more creative, and to achieve greater personal control.
Notice, also, that the interaction works both ways: the stimulus source can best-guess at what effect their actions will have upon the responder, and the responding source has the ultimate decision as to how to interpret the stimulus, as assistance, resistance, or allowance.
A = energy source #1
B = energy source #2
Energy Flow in a Human Interaction
More on the Three Primary Interactions
Assistance and resistance interactions come in two varieties: Primary Experiences, which deal directly with the physical stimulation of the organism, and Secondary Experiences, which deal with previously-created beliefs, indirectly” pleasurable or painful events.
With respect to assistance and resistance, the recipient of the stimuli is “responsible” for the categorizing of the stimuli into whether it is interpreted as assistance or resistance, since they originally created a pain or pleasure response to associate with any particular stimulus. However, the human provider (this excludes Nature) of a stimulus (words or actions) can often predict the potential effect of its stimulating action upon the recipient (because of personal similarly created beliefs of their own). They can thus attempt to predetermine the potential effect of their action upon that recipient’s belief.
In this way, people who teach others can prepare their lessons and their methods with the greatest likelihood of being assisting (providing pleasure) rather than resisting (providing pain). Allowance teaching, the simple providing information without expecting a particular response, could be the most ideal teaching method in an atmosphere where students learn to expect no judgment, no pain/ pleasure, no reward/ punishment — only the dissemination of information and the evaluation of the usefulness of that information to the learner (recipient).
The human life should not necessarily be a pattern of growth along a progressively positive continuum from resistance to assistance to allowance, and ending up with total allowance. It should rather be a balance of all three learning/teaching techniques. Some resistance creates strength, learning to work against natural opposing forces. Assistance creates information sharing. Allowance creates freedom to explore individuality. One should seek a balance. One of our contemporary problems is that there is way too much resistance behavior in the world, only a little assistance, and almost no allowance.
The Belief System “ego mind” spends most of its time in resistance-style self-validation, seeking protective limits and the support of those self-created limits. Allowance is unfamiliar territory. The Mind will go to any extreme to maintain itself, protect, sustain, justify itself.
In summary, assistance is when any force (stimulus) helps a Belief System support itself, resistance is when that force hinders a Belief System, trying to change it. Assistance and resistance both strengthen and support and validate the Belief System. Only allowance can reduce the strength and control of the Belief System.
Here’s an example of how the Three Primary Human Interactions relate to each other:
Here is a typical situation: a student gets into trouble for responding the wrong way to the classroom environment. They get sent down to the guidance counselor to solve the problem.
Guidance Counselor: Mr. Lemery.
Student: Ricky Stevens.
“Well, what have we got here, Mr. Stevens? Isn’t this the third time this week that you have had the pleasure of visiting my office in the middle of the school day?”
“It’s not my fault, Mr. Lemery. The whole world is against me!”
“Why do you think that? Is someone doing something harmful to you in the classroom?”
“Yes, they are. They’re not letting me do what I want. The teacher corrects me all the time. The students make fun of me. And the stuff we’re studying is so boring. I just want to get out of this place.”
“It sounds like you and I are going to be busy here for a while this morning. That is quite a list of problems you’ve given me. So, let’s start with the first one, okay?”
“Sure, whatever.”
“You say that the teacher corrects you all the time. What about?”
“Everything. Every day.”
“I tend to be a realistic person about these things, and I don’t think that the teacher would have the time or desire to spend so much energy hassling just you. So let’s find one specific thing that we can work with.”
“I guess. Well, she is always calling on me to answer questions that I don’t know the answer to.”
“Does she know that you don’t know the answer?”
“Well, I guess not. I just think that she knows that I don’t know the answers.”
“You are getting pretty cosmic there, Ricky. So you have the current belief that she is picking on you because you can’t answer questions in class. Tell me, CAN you answer any of the questions?”
“Sometimes I can. If I study a bit first, maybe. But sometimes I can’t.”
“How often do you study?”
“Not too much. As I told you, I am bored in there. I am in a class with a bunch of dumbies. So why bother trying so hard?”
“Since you are now my captive, I am going to teach you something pretty easy right now that may take care of a whole bunch of your problems. We will get to see for ourselves how easy the work can be for you. Are you up for a challenge? Not graded, of course!”
“Sure, why not? I’d rather be here than back in that classroom.”
“Okay. Tell me if you get lost during my explanation, okay?”
“Sure. Let ‘er rip!”
“Gotcha. Here we go. Everything in the world is made of energy. Do you get that?”
“Yeah. My science teachers taught me that back in junior high!”
“So, when I say Everything, I mean absolutely everything!”
“Calm down, Mr. Lemery, I don’t want you having a heart attack on me!!”
“I’m good, thanks for caring. So, everything is made up of energy, even our connections and conversations between people.”
“Talk is energy too?”
“Sure. Words are energy. Emotions are energy. Beliefs are energy. It is ALL ENERGY!!”
“Okay. Been there, done that. Let’s get moving here.”
“Thanks for the encouragement, Ricky! Anyway, let’s be specific. When you are in communication with your teacher, you and she are trading energy. In the classroom, it is her job to share information with you, and your job to receive and process that information.”
“And once in a while, she needs to pick up on my energy too, right?”
“Yes. Good teachers do that as well, and she is a very good teacher! So, here you are, trading energies by sharing information. And you, Ricky, have choices to make as she does her thing. You can a.) accept her information, and enjoy it, B.) you can resist her energy and complain and argue and shut down, or c.) you can simply listen, observe, and recognize what is actually taking place.”
“Wait. Kinda lost on that one. What’s that? What’s taking place?”
“The trading of information that she thinks will help you out someday. Tell me, since the beginning of the school year, have you learned anything useful in her class so far?”
“Well, I did like the stuff she taught us about American writers. Some of them were pretty radical. I like radical!”
“Good. So do I. So, during those lessons, rather than resist, you allowed that informational “energy” to enter your brain with no resistance. Correct?”
“Yup. No resistance.”
“And she “assisted you” in knowing about something that you didn’t previously know. Correct?”
“Yes.”
“So, of the three ways that we respond to receiving the energy, or information, from others, this situation involved Allowance and Assistance. But not resistance. With me so far?”
“Gotcha covered, bro!”
“Sorry, old enough to be called Gramps, but hardly a bro! Anyway, you always have those three choices in ways to react to ANY and EVERY situation you are in. You can just “be there” and allow the information to flow around you, and maybe accept some of it. Or you can assist the information flow by sharing back and forth in class, or teaching some of that stuff to others, like your so-called dumber friends. And finally, you can resist accepting that information, and eventually be sent down to my office.”
“I like all three alternatives there!”
“Sorry, but I see a whole line of kids going through the same stuff as you every day. That is why we are kind enough at this school to share you with four or five other teachers, every day. For free!”
“So, what about the kids making fun of me, or the boring classroom?”
“Same type of situation, same solution. Let’s take the kids talking about you. What are words?”
“What do you mean, what are words?”
“Ever heard the expression about sticks and stones?”
“Yeah, they break your bones, but names can’t hurt you.”
“All words, every word, is just more potential energy. It is a bunch of mini-beliefs collected together. I could say any word in the world, a nice word or an offensive word, and yet YOU are the only one in control of how that word is allowed, assisted, or resisted by your brain and your beliefs. You are in charge of your responses.”
“Any words, even the nasty ones?”
“Here’s the shocker, Ricky. Nastiness is created by the listener, not the speaker. Some people get offended by certain words, but not everybody reacts the same way. So, you could be called all the mean names in the world, but you still have TOTAL control over how you choose to respond to them. Allow the words, Assist the words, or resist the words. Only when you resist them will they actually bother you.”
“How is it that easy to just let them call me names?”
“Names are words. Words are limited little collections of letters. And it is always you yourself who chooses how to respond, or not respond to those little collections of letters.”
“Huh.”
“Yeah, huh! A word is just more energy flowing thru the air between people. Just air. So, the adjustments you want to make is not in changing the words that people say, but how you choose to receive them. And there is a magic trick here too.”
“Magic? Really? Or are you just messing with me?”
“No mess. Here’s the trick: when a student calls you something that they think will get you upset, and then you choose NOT to get upset, they freak out, because it didn’t work. They then either try to call you something else, or they just quit. Because they did not get the programmed response that they expected from you!”
“Programmed response?”
“Yes. They have been successful at irritating you so often, that now it has become a programmed, expected response.”
“So instead I just stay still and calm, look at them, and ignore it totally.”
“Yes, here’s a game you can play, without them knowing about it. Look at all these names and insults like they were buttons, like on a doorbell. And when someone pushes your button, you yell out, you respond, and then they gotcha! They are in charge now. But when you cut the wire to that button, and don’t respond, they lost any power they thought they had over you!”
“Cuttin’ the button!”
“Yeah, Hey, I like that one, Can I use it?”
“Sure, for a price.”
“How much?”
“Five bucks for every book you write and sell to become famous!”
“Got it. That’s a deal. Now, there is only one issue left to discuss.”
“I forgot my list. What was it?”
“The boring classroom. Can you figure out how to address that one by yourself?”
“Well, let me see here. 1.) You have three ways to approach all energy. 2.) You can assist the situation, you can resist the situation, or you can simply allow the situation to play itself out. Right so far?”
“Got an “A” grade so far. Keep trucking!”
“So, 3.) Everything is about energy exchange between people, and class lessons are just more energy. So, …{pause}… I am the one creating the state of boredom because I am resisting the situation. The boredom is in me, otherwise I would choose another reaction instead.”
“Wonderful. You can now do my job. Excellent. It is all as simple as that. Have an experience. Choose one of the three possible responses. And, if you don’t get what you want from your first choice, then try one of the other three. ‘Nuf said?”
“Yes!”
“Ready to go back to class now?”
“No!”
“Good, ‘cuz the bell is about to ring anyway! Head for lunch. And I will send you a hallway pass once a week, so you can keep me up on how things are going, all right, Ricky?”
“Thanks, Mr. Lemery, Bro! Gramps! Ciao!”
Here are some of the questions asked and answered by this story: Who or what is resisting who or what? How could that resistance be turned into Assistance? How could that Assistance be turned into Allowance? Once all three situations involve only allowance, is there any further problem??
Here’s an exercise to experience the Three Primary Human Interactions:
Walk up to someone (preferably someone you already know well), and push directly against the front of them. This is obvious resistance. Now go around back, and push gently on their back, assisting them to move in the direction that they were already choosing to go. You’ve assisted them (but did they initially request that assistance?!) Now, stand away from them, and allow them to go in any direction they choose, while you do likewise. In allowance, we seek to let people be people, in their own space, learning at their own pace. They may choose to learn from our example (the direction in which we are headed.) But they may choose to freely go in their own direction.
The most efficient form of learning does not require that they take on our actions, or education, as their own. The more complete learning process is when they observe, get in touch with what they already know and what they have yet to know, and choose when and how to obtain that information.
We can push them in to learning (resistance). We can speed up their learning process, based on our own time schedule (assistance). Or we can let them learn at their own pace (allowance).
Our only responsibility is to act in our own chosen direction, and then let others respond in their own way to our actions (stimuli)